


Somebody has to be the bad guy

by ChickadeeChickadoo



Series: Anakin is totally really 100% not a Sith Lord [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: A FAIR AMOUNT OF ANGST, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort is a thing, Everyone Needs A Hug, Except Sidious, Gen, It really depends on how I'm feeling when I'm writing, No one is sure where they are coming from, Other people live and stay alive, People die and stay dead, Sidious is pretty sure he knows, Sith Lords everywhere, So is making everything worse, and other stuff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickadeeChickadoo/pseuds/ChickadeeChickadoo
Summary: To save his mother, an eleven-year-old Anakin teams up with a Jedi to kill his Master.Now he's going back to their temple. A place filled with the only people in the universe who know enough about the Sith to hate them.On the bright side, his Mom is alive. And Obi-Wan seems nice. Mostly.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Shmi Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Anakin is totally really 100% not a Sith Lord [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975795
Comments: 237
Kudos: 394





	1. He's dead.

“Are you an Angel?” Anakin asked. He fought the urge to cover his mouth with his hand a second later. He also fought the blush. He wasn’t supposed to say things like that anymore- but it had just come out! Honest! And Master wasn’t even there to hear it so it would be okay.

The angel, girl, _target_ turned towards him, surprise lighting her face. She smiled at him, and it made her face even more beautiful. Not that he was supposed to think about that. Target- not person. That made it easier. Sometimes.

“An angel?” she asked.

He wanted to explain but he probably wasn’t supposed to. He was supposed to tell them he could help with their problem, once he figured out what it _was_. He could help- he was a good mechanic even if he hadn’t had much time to _fix_ things in the past two years.

“Never mind,” he said, “It’s silly.”

Before she could say something that would make it worse, and before he had a chance to think of a response to whatever she said, he spoke again. “My name’s Anakin.” _Anakin, not Vader, or apprentice, or boy, or failure, or weakling. My mom named me_ Anakin _._

“Padme,” she said.

It was a pretty name, almost as pretty as her. It was also the name of the Queen. She was one of the ones they were definitely supposed to kill. He wondered why a queen was dressed like that, then figured she was hiding. He wondered why they’d let her out here, even if there was a Jedi with her.

And the Gungan, who was currently chasing a droid around the inside of the shop. If he tapped it on the nose it would curl up again, but it was kind of funny to watch him struggle with it.

Anakin sensed it when Padme’s Jedi tried to mind trick Watto. It didn’t work. Wattto was weak, but not when it came to keeping money. Anakin remembered that much.

The Gungan kept knocking things over, which wasn’t good for Watto but was also definitely no longer Anakin’s problem. Didn’t stop his fingers from twitching, trying to get him to pick the mess up. He pressed his hands against his sides, trying to stop them from trembling.

Of course, that let his fingers hit the lightsaber Master had given him. Master would distract and kill the Jedi, he was supposed to get the angel. Whoever finished first would get the Gungan. Then they’d go to the ship to take down the little Jedi and the rest of the people there. It was easier to take them when they were separate, especially since Anakin wasn’t as big as even the little Jedi yet.

He didn’t want to kill an angel. He didn’t want to kill _anyone_ , but what he wanted never really mattered.

Padme laughed, and he forgot his embarrassment for a moment. “You’re a silly little boy,” she said, and the embarrassment was back.

He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, trying to make his face stop burning. “Is the Jedi trying to buy what he wants using Republic credits?” he blurted out, hoping that’d distract her.

Her eyes narrowed instead, just slightly, but he could see it. He could tell that she was suspicious now. That wasn’t good at all. How was he supposed to lead her into an ambush if she didn’t trust him?

“I saw his lasersword.” When Master had first found them he’d called them laserswords. He still did, sometimes, in his head. It was a small act of defiance- one that wouldn’t get him punished even if it was found out. He needed some of those.

Padme’s eyes softened again and Anakin marveled. How was she still alive? Being this trusting? _She won’t be alive soon,_ a voice inside him seemed to say, and he managed to keep his internal wince off of his face.

It was true though. He felt terrible. She seemed really nice. Still, between her and his mom he’d choose his mom. He’d made this choice before. It didn’t really make it feel better.

“Is there something wrong with Republic credits?” she asked. He blinked, shocked out of his morbid thoughts, then he nodded.

“Watto won’t take them. You need to find someone who’ll exchange them out for Outer rim currency.”

Padme seemed to be considering. Everything he’d said so far was true, which was key for him deceiving people. He couldn’t actually lie to save his life. Master thought it was funny- sometimes.

“Do you know anyone who could do that?”

Actually- he did. Which meant it wouldn’t be a lie. “Yes,” he said, “Yes I do.”

He hadn’t expected it to be this easy at _all_. He was glad he hadn’t decided to talk to the Jedi. Padme was much nicer.

…---…

Convincing the Jedi was surprisingly easy. Then he just had to start walking.

He was in front, Padme at his side. The Jedi and Gungan were directly behind him, and the droid trailed after them.

Master didn’t want Anakin to be openly afraid, didn’t want him to tremble or cower. Still, it seemed like Master could smell it sometimes, and he liked it. As long as the fear was only ever directed at him of course. Master was making him strong, so he’d never have to fear anything or anyone else ever again.

That meant Master really didn’t like it when Anakin had his dreams. He’d gotten good at hiding them, but that didn’t make them any less disturbing.

The last week they’d been worse. His mom had died, over and over again. Sometimes the chip blew. Sometimes Master slit her throat. Sometimes it took her a long time to die, trembling and gasping. The fear inside was clogging up everything so he could barely think. Maybe that’s why he said too much to Padme. It hurt. Everything hurt.

Padme was looking at him- concerned. Her hand brushed against his and he fought the urge to flinch away from her. “Are you alright?” she asked, and he nodded jerkily, trying to smile at her.

They were close now- just one more corner and- Anakin tackled Padme to the ground as Master jumped towards the Jedi, his double bladed saber making his already scary face worse. The saber would probably have taken something important off Padme if he hadn’t tackled her- not that it mattered. She’d be dead anyways- dead to save his Mom. Dead because he couldn’t handle the thought of being totally alone. _Weak,_ the voice inside whispered, and Anakin agreed.

Padme pushed him off, pulling him to his feet and further away from the fight. Her eyes were wide, she was trembling. It’d be over soon, all of it.

Anakin waited for Master to win- to look down and tell him that now was the time to kill the girl. The Gungan was curled up on the ground with his hands over his ears, he’d be easy to kill too.

But- the Jedi still wasn’t dead yet. Master was better- Anakin could tell he was going to win- but the Jedi wasn’t bad. If the little Jedi had been with him Master would probably be outmatched.

Threads of possibility seemed to snap out before Anakin for a moment. He could wait- Maul would kill the Jedi and he would kill the girl. Master would kill the Gungan, and Master would probably even smile at him for getting them here. He’d be rewarded. But he knew if he chose that Shmi would die.

He could help the Jedi instead. Master would die- he could get the transmitter and Master wouldn’t be able to hurt Mom anymore. Anakin could turn off the transmitter- they could find someone to remove the chip. Both of their chips.

Anakin felt something heady and bright swell within him and it took him a moment to recognize that it was hope.

The lightsaber was easy to free- he’d designed the holder to be easy to get to. “Pretend to be dead,” he whispered in Padme’s ear and her eyes widened further as he ignited the blade and shoved her to the ground. He waited a moment, and she didn’t get up. He ran forward towards the fight with the Jedi and master.

He jumped- flipping over the Jedi and Master’s heads, landing just behind Master. Master didn’t have time to turn before Anakin’s blade slid into him, straight through his back and out the front. Anakin didn’t deactivate his blade. Gravity pulled the rest of the Zabrak through the blade and Master fell to the ground in barely connected pieces. Anakin swallowed the bile that tried to rise- he’d seen worse deaths. He’d seen Master do far worse to other people.

Anakin shuffled forward, blade still activated and pointed threateningly at the Jedi. Anakin hadn’t really thought very far ahead with his plan. The Jedi could definitely kill him now. Anakin knew he wasn’t good enough to go against him and win.

But the Jedi was just… staring at him, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Anakin kept an eye on him as he riffled through Master’s pockets. The transmitter was in his hand. Hope bloomed once more and Anakin allowed himself to bask in it for a long moment. Then he turned, and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So- a couple things.
> 
> Maul is dead. I can buy that he survived being chopped in half the other way- kind of- cause most of the vital organs were connected to his brain still. This one he fell and chopped himself the other way. He is dead. 
> 
> Two- Anakin is eleven. He was found by Maul when he was nine and has been with him for two years. All other ages remain unchanged. 
> 
> Three- There will not be a sandstorm. Because I said so. 
> 
> :)


	2. Confusion is a state of being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Padme is tired. Obi-Wan is tired. Everyone is tired.

Padme had no idea what was going on, or how Anakin had a lightsaber and, apparently, knew how to use it. When he’d told her to play dead she’d listened- and then he’d killed whatever had attacked them and ran off after robbing the dead man.

She wondered, for a brief, abstract moment, who exactly was going to help them find a way to exchange their credits now. Qui-Gon still appeared to be too stunned to move. Padme pointedly did not look at the pieces of the Zabrak that lay on the ground a few feet in front of her. “Qui-Gon?” she asked. He didn’t respond. She tried again, touching his arm. “Are you injured?” She asked. He shook his head almost violently.

“Qui-Gon?” She asked again. He finally glanced at her.

“The boy we were following- he was a Sith apprentice.” He sounded horrified- and intrigued.

Jar-Jar had pulled himself off the ground and was now crowding Qui-Gon’s personal space. The man didn’t seem to notice.

Padme didn’t exactly know what he was talking about. She didn’t really know what a Sith was, she’d heard the term before, and she knew it wasn’t _good_ , but it wasn’t like she’d ever expected to meet one.

Finally Qui-Gon shook his head. “We still need to find this dealer who’ll trade our credits out. The boy wasn’t lying about knowing one at least. That means there is one somewhere around here.” Qui-Gon sighed, rubbing his face. “Let’s get going. Obi-Wan should be able to handle the apprentice if he shows up at the ship- but I doubt the boy would be that foolish.”

“He had a name,” Padme pointed out. “Anakin.”

Qui-Gon rubbed his face tiredly. “I can’t wait to get off this planet.” He said, and though he was mostly talking to himself Padme had to agree.

…---…

Anakin made it to the ship without a problem. He’d figured out how to hide quick, even in crowded places. He just had to ask the force to tell people they didn’t see him, or that he wasn’t interesting, and people stopped looking at him, moving around him almost unconsciously.

He grinned as he walked into the ship, but his smile faded as he felt his mom’s pain.

She was always hurting, had been for the last two years, because he never did things quite good enough. Master punished Mom for what Anakin did wrong because Anakin needed to be strong enough to fight.

But now, Mom never needed to hurt again. He could be there to protect her. He could get her transmitter and they could be together, and he’d make sure no one ever hurt her again. He snuck into her room- he didn’t need to sneak- he could tell she was awake- but he didn’t want to hurt her head if she had a headache again. When he walked in, she flinched. 

She looked at Anakin. “Ani?” She asked, and her voice was weak. She was hurt- bad. She needed a doctor. He stepped forward, closer to her, taking her left hand in his. Her right hand was missing. Anakin’s fault. He swallowed, trying to force the guilt away.

“I met a Jedi,” he said, “And he helped me kill Master.” _Kind of._ “I got this.” He held up the transmitter, and Mom’s eyes widened as the hope both of them barely dared to feel was magnified. Anakin reached out a hand to deactivate it and the force _screamed_ danger.

Anakin barely managed to keep from dropping it, which would have been real bad. He frowned at it before flipping it over and prying the back off. What he saw made his heart stutter in his chest.

Any tampering with it, any changing of the settings, and they’d _both_ blow up. He couldn’t fix this- which meant he needed to get the bombs out. Unfortunately, without the transmitter, there was no way someone on Tattoine could figure out where their chips _were_.

…---…

Padme was too hot. They hadn’t brought water with them and buying water with the credits they had was apparently impossible. Water was too precious on Tattoine to spare.

Padme was also sweaty- which was terrible. Why would there be so much water outside of her body when she really needed it inside of her? She kept herself as dignified as she could though as they trudged back to the ship. Their money was worthless. How were they supposed to get off this planet? Her people _needed_ her. Padme fought the urge to despair. She was a queen, and they would find a way. 

…---…

Anakin needed a way to get to one of the core worlds and the money to pay one of them to get Mom’s transmitter out. He had a ship- he could sell it, but then how was he supposed to get off world? Would it even give him enough money to fix them?

And then- he had a thought. He knew a ship that needed a hyperdrive- bad. If he sold his ship… he could get them a hyperdrive. In exchange they’d give him and his mom a ride to wherever they were going and make sure she could get to a doctor.

Anakin felt the hope rise again and tried to push it down, but hope was notoriously difficult to kill.

So he kissed his mom on the forehead- told her he’d be back- and left to find the queen’s ship. He really hoped that if they killed him they’d at least help Mom. After all, Jedi were supposed to help people. Mom had said so.

…---…

Obi-Wan needed a drink. If that was impossible, he would settle for a way off this dustball. Obi-Wan reviewed that thought. He needed a way off this dustball, then he’d settle for a drink. He sighed, rubbing his eyes. Qui-Gon had apparently managed to find a Sith and his apprentice while they were out, leaving Obi-Wan wondering why this sort of thing always happened to them. Was it too much to ask for a normal mission? Padme seemed a little bit the worse for wear as well, though whether that was from dehydration, fear, or the lingering nausea of the death she’d seen Obi-Wan wasn’t sure.

Obi-Wan rubbed his hand across his face. He wanted this mission to be over. That was, of course, when he sensed someone standing right outside their ship. He wasn’t sure how anyone had gotten that close without him noticing, but they didn’t seem dangerous. Then again, Qui-Gon had said that the force had told him to follow the boy, and the boy hadn’t seemed dangerous.

Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, but the person wasn’t moving. He sighed, then opened the ship ramp.

The boy there perfectly matched the description Qui-Gon had given of the Sith apprentice. Blonde hair, short, skinny, even wearing the same clothes. Obi-Wan’s hand went to his lightsaber, but he didn’t ignite it yet. He took a step forward, and the boy slowly raised both his hands.

“Are you the little Jedi?” the boy asked.

Obi-Wan blinked. He knew he was shorter than Qui-Gon, but he wasn’t _that_ short. It wasn’t his fault Qui-Gon was freakishly tall.

“I am Qui-Gon’s padawan.” Obi-Wan said slowly.

The boy seemed more confused than anything, but he just nodded. “You guys need a hyperdrive,” he said, “I have a ship I can sell, and I can get you the hyperdrive. Well, it’s Master’s ship but he’s dead. I need a ride to one of the core worlds that have doctors. My mom, she’s hurt real bad and Jedi are supposed to help people right? So I’ll get you the hyperdrive and you guys can get my mom a doctor to get the chip out because the transmitter is rigged to blow if I try to deactivate the chip so I need a good doctor so she doesn’t blow up.”

The boy started breathing again. Obi-Wan stared at him for a long moment, trying to process all the words that had just spewed out of his mouth. Basically- they got a hyperdrive if they agreed to help the boy’s mother.

Obi-Wan nodded slowly. “I think that’d work just fine.” Before he could qualify that with something like “I have to check with my master first,” or even the queen, the boy grinned at him. The grin didn’t reach his eyes.

“Wizard.” He said, and then he was gone. 


	3. Carry me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ship is sold and parts are found

When Anakin got back, Shmi was sleeping. She needed it- sleep would help her get better. He hesitated for a long moment. He needed to get her to the Naboo ship, but he didn’t want to wake her up. He could carry her with the Force, he’d carried heavier things than her for longer… he hesitated a moment more, then used the Force to lift her up so her head was resting on his shoulder. He put one of his arms behind her back, and though he wasn’t quite big enough to hold her this way _right_ , he had the force and he used that to support the rest of her. It was odd to carry someone this way, but he didn’t want her to be scared if she woke up and was just… floating.

Carrying her while making sure no one saw them was hard, but he could do it. For her. He’d do anything for her.

He dropped the concealment once he made it back to the ship.

The big Jedi, the little Jedi, and the Queen were all waiting for him. The ramp lowered as the Jedi sensed him. For a moment, he felt afraid. What if they just took the hyperdrive when he got it and hurt his Mom and killed him?

He reminded himself that Jedi helped people. Mom said so. If they killed him they’d still help Mom, and dying probably wouldn’t be so bad. People couldn’t feel pain when they were dead… right?

He looked at Padme, taking a hesitant step forward. He didn’t trust them, he didn’t trust any of them… but she seemed to… nice? Innocent? Naïve? To let anyone hurt his mom. “Can you watch her while I go sell the ship?” he asked.

She looked at Shmi and he could see her eyes widening. Could she sense pain too? Anakin figured the Jedi probably could but both of them were pointedly not reacting. Padme nodded. “Of course.”

“And when you get wherever you’re going you’ll get a real good doctor for her?” he checked.

“Yes.” She said, and she was telling the truth both times. She was a queen, so she could make people listen to her. That meant his Mom would be okay.

“Is there a good place for her to lay down?” Anakin asked, “She’s hurt bad.”

Padme nodded and Anakin followed her into the ship, trying to calm himself. It didn’t feel dangerous- the Force was practically singing peace, but he didn’t _feel_ safe no matter what the force was saying.

Padme led him to a bed that he laid his Mom on.

She didn’t look well. There were burns, most of them lightsaber burns, in various states of healing all over. Her face was mostly untouched except for one cut that went diagonally across her right cheek. Her right hand and much of her left leg were missing entirely.

He hesitated for a moment, then reached over, taking her left hand and gently easing her awake. “Ani?” she asked, blinking up at him.

“Hi Mom,” he said.

She flinched slightly when he spoke, then relaxed as she looked around. “Where are we?” She asked.

Her voice was hoarse. He probably should get her some water before he left- he’d gotten her some before he found the little Jedi, but she’d need more water than that. And food. They both needed food. Well, if the Jedi didn’t kill him that is. Master always said that the Jedi would kill him if they found him, and though he really didn’t trust Master- it’d always felt like he was telling the truth. About that at least.

“We are on a ship that’s going to take you to a doctor. I’m trading in Master’s ship for a hyperdrive, and they’re gonna pay for the doctor cause they need a hyperdrive. Don’t worry- the Force feels safe.”

She didn’t look very relieved and tried to sit up. He helped her. “See?” he said, “There’s the big Jedi and there’s the little Jedi and there’s Padme. She’s the queen and she said they were going to help and people listen to queens.”

Padme stared at him, shocked, and he thought about her being in disguise. But surely she’d told the Jedi? They looked at each other, one of those looks only people who knew each other real well could give. So she hadn’t told them, but they’d guessed.

He looked at Padme for a second longer. “Master told me that Sidious told _him_ that the Queen’s name was Padme.” Then he stood up, squeezing his mom’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”

He kissed her on the cheek and walked away.

…---…

Three adults and one teenager watched him go- all but the one on the bed trying and failing to form the questions they really needed to ask.

Finally, the boy’s mother spoke. “Are you really leaving and 11-year-old to sell a ship on his own? On Tattoine?”

Obi-Wan glanced at Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon nodded to him and Obi-Wan raced out after their 11-year-old Sith apprentice who didn’t really act much like a Sith at all.

…---…

Anakin looked at the little Jedi for a long moment. Did he come to kill Anakin like Master had said he would? Probably not yet- he’d at least wait until they found the ship. Still, they were in a hurry so if the little Jedi was going to kill him it’d be fast.

And besides that- the man was older which would make it easier to get a good deal on the ship quick which was what he needed to do.

“What’s your name?” Anakin asked. He wanted to ask about the tiny braid, but names were important.

“Obi-Wan.” The little Jedi said, “And yours?”

“Anakin.”

They were silent for a moment and then, “Who is Sidious? And how did he know the Queen’s name?”

Anakin looked at him. If he told now, then the Jedi might have less reason to keep him alive. But if it meant the Jedi would get Sidious, then his mom would probably be safer. And it didn’t really matter if he was dead as long as she was safe. “Sidious is a human man I think. He was Master’s Master. And he knows almost everything.”

Sidious never hurt his mom, but he’d never helped her either which was almost as bad because she was always hurting.

The little Jedi, Obi-Wan, stopped in his tracks, looking somewhat green. “There’s another one?” he asked.

Anakin looked back at him for a moment. “Probably more than one,” he said, “There is the whole rule of two thing, master and apprentice, but Sidious doesn’t really seem to follow it so well. He’s always finding new people.”

That… didn’t seem to make the man feel better. He stood frozen. Anakin started walking again. He wasn’t forcing the man to follow and could sell the ship on his own. Obi-Wan hurried after him, and they fell into step silently beside one another.

….---…

“What’s your name?” Padme asked.

“Shmi Skywalker,” the woman on the bed answered.

She looked horrible. Padme felt sick, thinking of someone doing that to another sapient, but she swallowed down the horror- trying to focus on the person. She needed help, and if the only help Padme could currently provide was some painkillers, food, water, and a conversation, then that’s what Padme would give.

“I’m Padme **Nabberi** e,” Padme said, “and this is Master Qui-Gon Jinn.”

Shmi smiled at them, and her smile was gentle. “How’d you meet my son?” she asked. She seemed almost afraid of the answer- but she asked anyways.

“He actually saved our lives.” Padme said. “We were at Watto’s junk shop looking for a hyperdrive, but we didn’t have the right money to buy it. Anakin walked in and the first thing he asked was if I was an angel.”

Shmi laughed at that a little, but it choked off, pained. “We told him we needed real money to buy the parts and he said he knew someone who traded in republic credits. We followed him and the Zabrak came out of nowhere.”

“Maul,” Shmi whispered, “Darth Maul.”

“Anakin tackled me to the ground, which probably saved me. Then Qui-Gon was fighting and suddenly Anakin told me to pretend to be dead and pushed me to the ground. Then he jumped over Qui-Gon and Maul and killed Maul.” She didn’t say how, though she was pretty sure she’d never get the image of the man falling through the Saber and cutting himself into two cauterized halves would ever leave her mind.

“He grabbed something out of Maul’s pocket and ran, then he came back hours later to say he had a ship that he’d sell to get out hyperdrive if we transported him and you to a core world and paid for you to get a doctor.”

Shmi smiled a little at that. “I’m glad Maul’s dead.” She said, and her voice was fierce. “Ani’s a sweet boy and what Maul’s been doing to him…” her voice choked off and Padme took her remaining hand, squeezing it gently.

“He’s dead now,” Padme said softly, “And he can’t hurt you or your son ever again.”

Inside she felt as though her heart was being torn to shreds. She didn’t want to know what horrors that creature had subjected Shmi and Anakin to- but she would be paying the doctor’s bill. She had a feeling she’d find out.

…---…

The ship practically reeked of the dark side. And other things. Anakin’s mother obviously hadn’t bathed in a while, which couldn’t have been good for her, especially with her wounded like she was.

Obi-Wan swallowed, forcing himself to step into the ship. Their buyer looked it over speculatively. They hadn’t started haggling yet, the man wanted to see the ship before he would buy it.

“Doesn’t smell very nice,” the buyer said, “Might do as a slave transport. Would need cleaning for anything else.”

Obi-Wan didn’t miss the way Anakin’s eyes flashed gold when the buyer mentioned slavery, or how the boy muttered “For Mom,” under his breath before he said, “You got a bid?”

The haggling went on a while. Anakin seemed into it, but his impatience was practically screaming into the force. It was almost a miracle that the buyer couldn’t feel it.

Obi-Wan could tell the moment that Anakin decided the price was good enough- or at least that more haggling wasn’t worth the time.

Getting paid and getting the hyperdrive was easy enough after that.

…---…

Four hours after they’d left, Anakin and Obi-Wan returned with the hyperdrive. Anakin helped install it, then slipped into the room where his Mom was sleeping.

He didn’t leave her side for more than ten minutes at a time the whole flight.

Padme sat with him, talking to him or Shmi, offering what comfort she could. She brought him a blanket to wrap around himself when he got cold. She told him that everything would be alright.

Anakin tried to smile back. It was hard, but she was worth it. She was going to help his Mom.

Anakin had a Japor Snippet that he’d been carrying around since he was nine. He’d only started carving it a month ago, when he’d started getting the dreams about Mom dying. It was supposed to bring good luck. His mom was going to be safe now, so he figured it must work at least a little bit. He gave it to Padme as thanks. Her smile widened as she took it.

Shmi smiled too when she looked at him, but the fear that accompanied her love didn’t dim.


	4. Meeting the Jedi Council

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jedi stuff happens

The Jedi Council was meeting in their weird little room. Anakin had to wait outside, even though he really just wanted to be with his mom. But Shmi was getting a check up done by the doctors here and apparently he wasn’t allowed in and the Jedi really needed to talk to him. Just not enough to talk to him first.

He forced himself to sit still. He didn’t like to- but it’d annoyed Master if he’d moved around to much when he’d been told to wait, and an annoyed Master was a painful person to be around. He could almost be nice, sometimes, otherwise. When Anakin had done something really good and Master had almost smiled.

Anakin kept waiting as the seconds ticked by.

…---…

The first thing Qui-Gon said when he walked into the council room was “We believe that the Sith have returned.”

The second thing he said was, “And we have a kind of apprentice of an apprentice with us.”

Mace Windu looked like he was choking on something. Obi-Wan wondered if it was healthy to choke on air. Probably not.

“Tell us what happened, you will.” Yoda was the voice of calm, as always.

Qui-Gon began. Landing on Tattoine, trying and failing to get the parts, the boy the Force had said would be safe to follow. Darth Maul. The boy killing him, taking the transmitter and running. Obi-Wan took over to tell about the deal the boy had made and their trip to sell the ship and gain a hyperdrive. The way the boy’s eyes seemed to flicker between yellow and blue.

The boy’s mother.

She was being treated now in the temple. The healers there had looked angrier even than Padme, and that took some doing.

After the story, they were dismissed. Qui-Gon was considering something though, Obi-Wan could tell. “Master?” he asked.

“I’m going to recommend you for your trials,” Qui-Gon said. “This mission isn’t over yet, but when it is… you’ve been ready for years. I just haven’t really wanted to let you go.”

He smiled then, even while Obi-Wan felt like he was either dying or deliriously happy. He grinned at his master, just a small grin, and said “I’m glad you finally realized it.”

Then he noticed the boy. The boy was sitting still outside the council chambers, almost unnaturally still, and he’d probably been waiting a while. 

Anakin was looking at them with a curious expression on his face. “What are the trials?” he asked.

“That’s when Padawan Kenobi goes and becomes Knight Kenobi.” Qui-Gon said and Obi-Wan resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“So it’s like becoming the Master instead of the Apprentice?” the boy asked, slowly, seeming even more confused.

“You could say that.”

“Huh.” The boy said. “Don’t you two like each other?”

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon exchanged glances. “Yes?”

“Then why are you going to try to kill each other?”

“What?” Obi-Wan said while Qui-Gon was still spluttering.

“You know,” the boy said, waving a hand. “There’s a Master and an Apprentice. One to have the power, the other to crave it. To become the Master the Apprentice kills him.”

Qui-Gon was still choking. “We don’t quite do things like that,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “All the members of our order, the Jedi, stay alive when the younger ones rise in rank. Going from Padawan to Knight requires passing a test, not killing my Master.”

“Huh.” The boy said again. “I guess that’s nicer.”

Which was a bit of an understatement.

…---…

When the council finally called Anakin in the fear that’d been building inside of him had mostly drained. He was exhausted, he hadn’t slept properly since before the mission- before he’d started getting the nightmares where his mom died over and over and _over_ again.

Then they’d been on the ship and he’d been so scared that she’d die- that she’d die and he wouldn’t be able to do anything and he’d be all _alone_. Now she was with the healers and he still couldn’t do anything- but it was better because he knew _someone_ was doing something.

A little green troll spoke first. “Tell us about the Sith you will.”

“What do you want to know?” Anakin asked.

“Everything.”

Anakin nodded. He probably couldn’t tell them everything- but he’d tell them what he knew. The more helpful he was the nicer they were going to be to his Mom.

He started with how Maul had found him when he was nine and took him and his mom from Watto. Watto had had the sense to not object.

He moved on to the missions. When he’d first found out about Sidious, Maul’s master. His training. What happened when he failed.

He didn’t tell them some things. He didn’t tell them about the time they’d been sent to kill a family, and he’d been told to kill the little baby. How he’d dropped her off with neighbors instead, or how long it’d taken the baby to die once Maul found her. How long she’d screamed and whimpered and he couldn’t do _anything._ He’d been to weak to save her.

He didn’t tell them about when he hadn’t wanted to torture someone- hadn’t wanted to cut into them, and Master had said it was alright- he just hadn’t had enough practice. He’d pointed to Mother’s arm and demonstrated the cut to make. Anakin had refused and Master had taken Mother’s hand. He didn’t tell them about how he figured out that he had to obey Master, even when it hurt Mother, because if _he_ didn’t Master would hurt her worse.

He _did_ tell them about the times Master would stumble in- charred, lightning marks all over, _without_ the detonator. How if he’d killed Master then his mother would still die, because Sidious had the detonator then.

He told them about his nightmares about Mother dying and seeing Qui-Gon fight and realizing that with both of them he could kill Master. About taking the transmitter and realizing how it’d been wired and that he needed a doctor. The deal. “And then I came here.” He said.

The Jedi Council was silent, faces still as stone, but he could feel emotions roiling through the force. Disgust, Horror, Pity, Suspicion, Compassion, Anger, Indifference, Curiosity… the Jedi were doing something weird with their emotions. They weren’t using them like they were supposed to- they were… releasing them? Why would they even do that when emotions made you stronger? Maybe that’s why Master always said the Jedi were weak.

Anakin didn’t know. He didn’t ask either. He really just wanted them to help his mom.

None of them were saying anything and it made him feel shifty on the inside. “Can I see my Mom now?” he asked, and, after a moment, they let him go.


	5. Decisions and sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People do things with their lives

“There’s still a Sith Lord out there” Master Koth said.

“Hmm.” Yoda said, “Telling the truth he is. Find Sidious we must.”

“All we really know about him is that he is a human male who is older than Maul.” Master Tiin pointed out.

“The boy might be able to identify him.” Said Master Piell.

“What are we going to do about the boy?” Master Koth said.

“We can’t let him go.” Master Windu was speaking. “He’d been trained as a Sith for two years- who knows what he’ll do if we let him go.”

“What are you suggesting?” Mundi asked.

“We keep him here,” Windu said, “For observations purposes. We keep him here, heal his mother, find her a job somewhere…”

“You want to train Anakin?”

“No… not train him. I want to have him where we can keep an eye on him. Make sure that Sidious can never find him. The boy is a powerhouse in the Force- he’s to dangerous for us to let him go.”

Yoda hummed. “Great fear there is, in him.”

“Based on what his life has been like the past two years, I imagine he has a reason for it. Fear is probably encouraged in Sith training to make them more easily able to access the Dark side. We should at least train him in meditation- allow him to release his feelings into the force.” Koon said.

“We could hire his mother- We don’t know what skills she has but if she doesn’t know how to do something we need we could train her. They could live in the temple- that way we could keep an eye on him and help his mother.”

A vote was cast, and it overwhelmingly favored that course of action. So long as they could get the boy’s mother to agree of course. And if they couldn’t… there were always other options.

…---…

When Anakin went to see his mom she was sleeping. They wouldn’t let him wake her up either- they said she needed rest to get better. He’d was able to sit by her, to hold her hand, and that was enough because she was getting better.

She felt- peaceful for the first time in a long time. She wasn’t hurting. Anakin let her presence soothe him like it always did.

He found himself humming a song she’d sung to him when he was little. She hadn’t sung in a long time. He hoped she’d be able to start again now that Master was gone- he missed it. He missed being able to be with her.

Soon though- soon she’d be all better and they could be together again. The thought made him smile.

…---…

Obi-Wan went to find Anakin before he went to bed. He didn’t know what arrangements had been made for the boy, but he didn’t want to find the kid sleeping on the floor beside his mother’s bed.

As it turned out, that was exactly what Anakin was doing. He was curled up on the ground with his eyes closed, arms wrapped tight around himself. He was shivering a little.

Obi-Wan hesitated. “Anakin,” he said. The boy didn’t respond.

Obi-Wan took a step forward and nudged Anakin gently. The boy’s eyes snapped open and he was on his feet in all of a moment. The stance he took couldn’t be called anything but battle ready.

Obi-Wan blinked at him. “Anakin?” he said, deliberately keeping himself from matching the boy’s fighting pose, “Did anyone find you somewhere to sleep? A bed?”

Anakin stared at him for a long moment, then slowly stood upright. He shook his head. “There’s a couch in my room you can sleep on then.” Obi-Wan said.

Anakin glanced back at his mom, hesitating. “I have some blankets you can use.”

That, apparently, sealed the deal. Anakin nodded, following him out and to his room. Anakin fell asleep in the same curled up position as before, buried under a pile of blankets. Obi-Wan let himself drift asleep.

…---…

Anakin woke up strangely warm. He shifted slightly, tempted for a moment to stay in the warm blankets and never leave, but forced himself to his feet. Master would not be happy if he stayed asleep.

He blinked. Master was dead.

He blinked again. He could go back to sleep if he wanted to. Unless… Obi-Wan probably wouldn’t do anything to him. But he could make breakfast. That’d usually made Master happier. Obi-Wan seemed happy even since his Master had said he’d be a Knight, but it would probably still help. Happier people were nicer people.

The problem came when he realized there wasn’t any food in this place. There was tea- no food. Anakin hesitated, chewing on his lip for a moment, then opened himself more to the force. He wanted food and food was… he could feel people together, lots of people. They were…content. So… probably eating. He focused back on Obi-Wan, making sure he could feel the man well enough to find him again, then moved to the food.

…---…

Obi-Wan smiled when he saw the food Anakin had left for him. He was suddenly reminded of what Qui-Gon had said during the briefing, about his brief discussion with Shmi. She’d said Anakin was a sweet boy that Maul had done terrible things to. Seeing this, Obi-Wan could believe it. Most people didn’t run off to get random strangers food, even if the strangers were Jedi.

…---…

**Naboo**

Obi-Wan glared at Qui-Gon. “You want me to join the space battle?” he asked.

“One of us needs to protect the queen,” Qui-Gon said, sounded oh so reasonable. “And I feel that the battle above needs help. Someone needs to blow up the droid control ship.”

“Can’t you do that?” Obi-Wan asked.

“I’m afraid I have to go,” Qui-Gon said. “I wish you luck!”

And then he was gone, and Obi-Wan was left to look forlornly at the ship he’d be flying into battle. He did not like this at _all_. 

…---…

They won, and Obi-Wan was the one who destroyed the droid control ship, which was all fine and good. He also managed to get named a hero. The new Chancellor commended him on his actions.

Obi-Wan hadn’t wanted to be a hero.

He hadn’t wanted to fly a ship.

It’d happened anyways.

He didn’t mind staying, didn’t mind helping Qui-Gon and the Queen sort out the mess the trade federation had made on Naboo- still, he was excited for this mission to be over.

He’d complete his trials. He’d become a knight. And then, no one would be able to force him to fight in a star ship even again.

Almost absently, he wondered how Anakin was getting on in the temple.


	6. Wake Up Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shmi Wakes up and Obi-Wan returns to the temple

Anakin felt it when his mom woke up. He ran to the healer’s wing as fast as he could, grinning.

…---…

Shmi woke up. It was a rather odd awakening. For one thing, she was comfortable. For another, the colors were all wrong.

She was hooked up to a fair number of machines as well. Shmi blinked at them before the memories from the last couple of days seemed to flow back in.

Anakin had made a deal with the Jedi. Maul was dead. She was safe.

Safe.

…---…

Shmi was talking to one of the Healer Jedi when Anakin burst into the room. Shmi looked over at him, eyes widening even as she smiled. “Ani!” she said, holding her arms out to him.

He barreled into her as gently as he could. She was still hurt after all. He could feel that. But she was much better than she had been.

“Are you feeling better?” Anakin asked.

Shmi’s gentle smile never wavered. “Yes,” she said, “Thank you Anakin.”

He smiled back at her, then he heard something beeping. It was a heart monitor. Anakin glanced between it and his mother, his brow furrowing. What was wrong?

The Healer Jedi- who’d stepped out when Anakin had jumped into the room, was back. He looked rather worried. “Miss Skywalker,” he said, “Is something wrong?”

Shmi shook her head. “Everything is fine.” She said.

Anakin looked at her, closely. She wasn’t lying exactly, but she wasn’t telling the truth either. Anakin focused on _feeling_ her. He’d stopped doing it so much after they’d gone with Maul- she’d always been in so much _pain_. Now though, now he didn’t really need to worry about it all that much.

Reading her emotions was easy. “You’re afraid.” Anakin whispered.

He hadn’t noticed at first because he’d gotten so used to her being afraid. But he’d always thought- he’d always thought- it’d been _Maul’s_ fault. Not his. His mom shouldn’t be afraid of _him._ She could trust him. Maul was gone now. He wouldn’t hurt her. She had to know that he wouldn’t hurt her.

He scrambled backwards off the bed, staring at her with wide eyes. She was afraid of him. He’d hurt her. He hadn’t wanted to, but he had. And now she was afraid of him.

Somewhere in is mind he registered that she was calling to him, beckoning for him to come back. He didn’t really see her though. All he knew was that she was afraid.

Anakin ran.

He ran all the way to Obi-Wan’s room and his ridiculously comfy couch and buried himself in the blankets Obi-Wan had given him.

Even with all the blankets it took a long time for him to stop trembling.

…---…

Shmi felt like a terrible mother. Anakin had cried the first time Maul made him hurt her. Maul told him the next time he cried the punishment would have double in length.

Anakin hadn’t cried again, though she could always feel his emotions. The shame, guilt, horror… it compounded on itself. She knew that he could feel her pain too- which made him feel worse.

That didn’t change the fact that he’d done it- he had hurt her- and seeing him made her afraid. She expected pain when he came- Maul hadn’t let Anakin see her except as a punishment.

That’d made it worse, Anakin was always happy to see her, but he hated that he was hurting her. Hated himself.

She hated herself for that.

Because now Anakin knew that she was afraid of him, and that hurt him. She wasn’t supposed to hurt him. She was his mother. She was supposed to be able to protect him.

Healer Tali walked in and Shmi felt tears build up in her eyes. She couldn’t help the sob that left her. Healer Tali looked concerned now. “What’s wrong?” she asked, and her voice was so kind that Shmi couldn’t stop herself.

She told Tali everything. Tali held her as she cried.

She was supposed to be able to protect him. What kind of a mother was she if she only ever ended up hurting him?

…---…

Obi-Wan returned to his quarters to find Anakin asleep on his couch. He blinked. They’d been gone for _weeks_. Had no one thought to provide him with his own bed?

For that matter had anyone given him a medical examination? He needed something for his mental state at least, even if he was physically healthy.

It was early in the morning and Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment, contemplating waking the boy. He apparently didn’t have to do anything though as Anakin was already waking up, rubbing his eyes. The boy looked at Obi-Wan and paled before jumping out of his blanket cocoon. “Hello there” Obi-Wan said, and Anakin promptly burst into tears.

He took a hesitant step forward, hand hovering over Anakin’s shoulder as the boy tried to get his tears under control. Anakin shook his head slightly shuffling closer to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan hesitated a moment longer, then gently guided Anakin back to the couch, lifting the blankets off of it in what probably amounted to a frivolous use of the force and sitting beside him.

Anakin pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, still sniffling.

“What happened?” Obi-Wan asked, voice deliberately soft.

“She’s afraid of me.” Anakin said, voice muffled. “She woke up and I went to see her and her heart machine started beeping and the healers asked what was wrong and she said that nothing was wrong but she was lying and I looked and she was afraid and Maul’s dead so that means she’s scared of _me_. I can’t see her. I can’t go see her if she’s afraid of me.”

Obi-Wan definitely didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t equipped to handle this- he didn’t even know his mother’s _name_.

“Do you know why?” Obi-Wan asked, because he really couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Anakin nodded. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke. “Maul- he wanted me to- to hurt someone. Bad. And I didn’t want to. And he said- he said it was okay, that I just needed practice…”

The story came out in fits and burst and Obi-Wan couldn’t stop the rage that grew inside of him. If Maul hadn’t _already_ been dead Obi-Wan would have seen to it that his life was ended shortly.

When he finished Anakin buried his face in his knees, trying to hide the fact that he was crying again. Obi-Wan placed his arm over the boy’s shoulders, and Anakin curled against him. Eventually Anakin fell asleep. Obi-Wan remained sitting there for a long time.

…---…

In the end, it was much easier than Mace Windu had expected. Shmi wanted her son taken care of but could not do so herself, not yet. Not when the boy wouldn’t even enter the same room as her. She was scared of the boy- which made sense with what he _was_. Mace himself felt uneasy around Anakin- the darkness that lingered around the boy was concerning.

Mace wasn’t sure why he’d believed that the boy was being fully truthful when he’d told them of his time with Maul. He couldn’t help but wonder what else the boy had hidden- what other secrets they’d find as he stayed with them.

They’d put him in initiate classes under close observation- his mother had been overjoyed that he’d be receiving real schooling. They’d watch, and they’d wait. Perhaps he’d even try to contact Darth Sidious- that would make their jobs easier.

Shmi would stay until she was healed, then they’d help her to find housing and a job elsewhere on Coursant. The boy could visit her and call her at any time of course, but he would stay at the temple. Safe. It all worked out very well. Very well indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...


	7. An unexpected visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No chickens were harmed in the making of this chapter  
> Fake or otherwise  
> Chickens don't show up at all in fact

Obi-Wan knelt as Qui-Gon sliced through his padawan braid. Obi-Wan felt- happy. Like nothing would ever go wrong again.

He barely kept himself from grinning like a youngling.

…---…

This was horrible. Two weeks after Obi-Wan came back he managed to convince Anakin to start talking to his mom again, not in person, because she was afraid, but over a comm. That couldn’t hurt her, he’d be blue and tiny and it would make them both feel better.

It had made Anakin feel better anyways. He talked to her and she told him how much better she was doing and showed him her new hand and leg which were both cool. Almost made him wish he had one. Almost.

A month after the calls began, he’d been convinced to talk to her from across her room. Far enough away that he couldn’t touch her, even if he wanted to. She shouldn’t be scared then, the Jedi could stop him long before he got close enough to do anything.

But now she was healed and he was happy she was healed, she was, but now she was leaving. And he couldn’t go with her because she was scared and what if he hurt her? That didn’t make it any less scary that she was going to a different house and she’d have a different job and how would he even be able to see her?

He could still call her.

And he got to visit, but only once a week.

Before she’d left she’d smiled and hugged him. She’d said that she knew he’d do great things and the Jedi were offering him schooling and so it would all be good.

But he didn’t want schooling- he wanted her. And she was leaving him. It was his fault- he’d hurt her and now he couldn’t be with her or he’d hurt her more.

He’d felt her as she’d hugged him, and though he could tell she wanted to hug him he could also tell that it still made her uncomfortable and afraid. He didn’t want her to have to be afraid all the time, not anymore.

So he stayed. 

Anakin was still staying on Obi-Wan’s couch- he didn’t have anywhere else to go and no one had told him to leave. Obi-Wan didn’t seem to mind unless he came in when Anakin was taking one of the Droids apart.

The first time that’d happened Anakin had frozen up- afraid that Obi-Wan would be mad at him for making a mess, but Obi-Wan had said as long as Anakin cleaned up afterwards he didn’t mind so much.

But now Mom was gone, and Obi-Wan wasn’t here either, and he was alone.

…---…

Anakin hated classes for the most part. All of the other kids in the classes were younger than him and they understood more than him too. He knew he could beat them with a lightsaber easy enough, but they didn’t allow him to use a lightsaber in spars or anything.

He could only use them under close supervision and only do katas that they showed him.

He liked the advanced engineering class though. He was better than everyone else in there and most of them were older than him too. “That schematic is very, very good Anakin.” Master Kennen said, and Anakin grinned at him.

Anakin wasn’t quite sure what Master Kennen was, other than super duper tall, but he was nicer than the rest of the Masters here.

Nicer than the rest of the students too.

He’d tried to talk to the other students a couple times, but it seemed like the council members had warned them away from Anakin.

He didn’t try again.

He missed his mom. He missed Obi-Wan too. 

…---…

Anakin had a great idea. The Jedi were watching him, sure, but he could sneak out of the temple and back in easy enough. He could go, find his mom, see her, and be back before they figured out what he was doing.

Technically, he was allowed scheduled visits once a week. But once a week wasn’t really very much at all and Master Kennen had said he’d done good and he wanted to tell Shmi about it. He wanted to see how she was doing.

He also wanted to see her house. Shmi always visited him at the temple, but he’d never been out in the city. He wanted to see more of it.

Night came, and though it wasn’t really that much darker at night it was easy enough to get out of the temple. There were guards, but he kept himself hidden. Just another shadow. Then he was out, in the city.

He wandered for a while before finding somewhere kind of hidden where he sat down. He closed his eyes and reached out for his mother. There were so many little lights here, so many people living and breathing… he reached out further.

He’d always felt a sort of bond with his mom. He’d had one with master too, though the one with master was smaller. It’d broken when he’d killed the Zabrak.

The one with his mom felt weaker now than it’d felt before, but it was still there. He stretched out and found her.

Then he started walking again.

His mom was talking to someone, and older man when Anakin snuck in through one of her windows. He crouched low, singing _don’t see me, don’t see me, don’t see me_ , into the force. It usually didn’t work on Shmi, but right now she was distracted.

“Now Shmi,” the man said, “I don’t see the problem here. Sure you already have a job, but I can get you a better one with some benefits,” the man reached out, twirling a piece of her hair around one of his fingers, “that you don’t have there.”

Shmi swatted his hand away, though she was laughing as she did so. “And what sort of benefits are you talking about?” she asked.

“I could think of a few.” He said, then took a step closer to her, then his face and hers were right together and he was kissing her.

Anakin jumped up from the crouch he was in before he could think about the fact that he was hiding. That was just… ew. He’d apparently made some sort of a noise because his Mom and the man broke apart and they were both looking at him. The man was reaching for something, and Anakin knew that people reaching for things when you showed up were bad news. “Hi Mom.” He said, as she gaped at him.

“Anakin?” she said, and her voice sounded strangled to his ears. She was smiling a moment later though, reaching a hand towards him. “I’m so glad you came! I didn’t notice you coming in!”

“Anakin?” the man said, “Shmi’s told me so much about you!”

He smiled at Anakin. It was a nice smile, and Anakin could feel that the man was safe but his mom had seen him and it’d been like he’d snuck up on her- sneaking wasn’t good she needed to know when he was coming so she could prepare… and she was afraid. Afraid of him.

Anakin ran. He was crying but he didn’t want to cry so he shoved the tears back inside. He wanted Obi-Wan to come back.

He ran all the way back to the temple, but he wasn’t sneaky enough on the way back in. They caught him. And that… wasn’t good.

…---…

“I just went to see my mom.” The boy said.

Windu released any feelings of anger he might have had into the force. Yes, the boy had snuck out of the temple without permission and without anyone even noticing he was gone. Yes, if he had gone to see Sidious they likely never would have seen the boy again. No, they didn’t know exactly what he’d done while he was out. But he was back now, and those problems could be addressed.

“Next time you want to see your mom outside of the scheduled visits just ask. We could get you a ride there and inform your mother that you are coming so she can prepare.” That was Plo Koon. Windu nodded.

They released the boy and he seemed surprised for a moment before slinking off to go to his room.

“We need to get someone to watch his rooms.” Windu said after a moment. “Make sure he doesn’t sneak off again.”

None of them actually knew where his rooms were. They tried to look it up and discovered that the boy didn’t actually have rooms- which begged the question- where was the boy sleeping?


	8. Ouch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouch again

They made him move out of Obi-Wan’s rooms. Anakin thought that might be the punishment until he figured out where they were sending him- he’d have to sleep with some of the real Jedi initiates. None of them liked him.

He tried to be unobtrusive, tried to get to bed late and wake up early, but he couldn’t avoid them entirely. He lived with them.

For the most part, they seemed to ignore him. But sometimes when he was around them he felt the force prickle in warning. Something was coming.

…---…

Lighsaber practice was one of Anakin’s favorite things. He worked on Katas while the other initiates sparred, either with the instructor or with each other. He wasn’t allowed to fight- not with the instructor and not with the initiates.

Anakin wasn’t sure how he was supposed to be a danger to the instructors, but rules didn’t have to make sense for him to follow them.

Anakin blinked as a knight he didn’t recognize walked in. “Hey y’all!” he said, and he seemed far too excited. “I’m teaching today cause the regular teacher got sick and I’m here. Warm up- then spar.”

The others got into pairs quick enough and Anakin started working through katas again. “Hey kid!” The instructor said, “Wanna spar with me?”

Anakin froze for a moment, gaping at the man before he grinned. He’d missed sparring. He knew he probably shouldn’t miss it- but he did. “I’d love too!” he said, and the man grinned back.

Anakin had only a moment to realize that the man might not actually know he wasn’t supposed to spar before they were fighting. Fighting with this Knight was different than fighting with Master. Master was angry- vicious. Fighting him felt like being moments away from getting your throat ripped out. This Knight was fast, but also relaxed.

It was different, but it felt good to fight someone. Master had always told him to focus on his anger when he was fighting, and he’d been pretty good at that- but Jedi didn’t like being angry and since he was sparring with a Jedi he probably shouldn’t.

But there were so many things he was angry about- Master was dead and Anakin had killed him and he felt bad about it even though Master was terrible. And all the people he’d killed before then were dead too. And his Mom was gone even though she wasn’t gone and Obi-Wan wasn’t around and he’d had to move in with the Initiates and they hated him and… Anakin shoved the anger aside.

He fought.

He didn’t notice the other initiate’s eyeing him, as, for the first time in what felt like years, he was able to breathe. 

…---…

They woke him up in the middle of the night. He’d been expecting something like this to happen eventually and wasn’t too concerned- there were consequences for disobedience, and that meant pain, but they wouldn’t hurt him so bad that he couldn’t go to class and do what he needed to do. The pain was unpleasant, but ultimately immaterial.

He didn’t recognize the place they dragged him too, muttering about Sith all the way. It was an old place, unpopulated. He waited, but the nine initiates who had dragged him here seemed to be arguing about just what exactly they were going to do with him now.

“Can we get this over with so I can go back to bed?” Anakin asked.

He probably shouldn’t have said that- but he was tired and he’d always been cranky when he was tired. An older initiate turned around and punched him in the gut. The initiate looked surprised. Anakin wasn’t. It hurt, knocked the breath out of him, but Anakin stayed standing, barely swaying at all. He tried to keep the pain off of his face.

He wondered if he was supposed to fight back. Master had wanted him to sometimes and sometimes he hadn’t. He usually said… but, “Do you want a fight?” Anakin asked, trying to keep from sounding too out of breath. The other boy had punched hard.

“Maybe I do,” the boy said, and Anakin nodded, adjusting his stance. The boy looked surprised for a moment, glancing at the other initiates.

“Go get him!” one of them said in some sort of loud whisper, and the boy attacked. Anakin was careful to dodge the punches, the older boy was stronger than him.

Despite this, it didn’t take long to realize he was better than the other boy. “I’m better than you.” He said, straightening slightly. It was a bit odd that they’d send someone worse than him to punish him… The initiates were really glowering at him now. Anakin winced. He probably shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud. Sure, they were going to punish him anyways, but it always hurt worse if Master was actually angry at him.

The boy swore at him. “If you’re so much better,” he said, “Do you think you can take all of us?”

The answer to that was… probably not. And he probably wasn’t supposed to anyways, this was _his_ punishment.

He fought back though, managed to get in a couple decent punches. He made sure to avoid doing anything that’d cause too much damage though. Someone managed to grab him and slam him into a wall. His head cracked against it and he fell over. He immediately curled up on himself, protecting all the more delicate parts of his insides. The initiates started kicking. It’d be over soon now.

Except that it wasn’t. One of them kicked something that cracked. Anakin gasped. That… that wasn’t supposed to happen. How was he supposed to go to classes tomorrow?

They weren’t stopping. They _weren’t stopping_ and Anakin finally began to feel afraid.

He was still afraid when darkness took him.

…---…

When Anakin woke up the initiates were gone. He tried to stand up- it was something more than difficult. He gasped as something in his chest seemed to tear. There was definitely something broken in there. Blood was dripping down the side of his face, trying to get into his eyes. He made it to his knees but no further. He was swaying, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.

He fell forward, barely managing to catch himself before he cracked his head against the floor again.

Anakin decided that since he couldn’t walk he could try crawling. The healers had said if he’d gotten hurt for any reason he could go see them, and he’d need a healer for this.

He reached out in the Force, searching for the healers. They were so far away. Anakin felt a moment of despair.

Then he got going. He couldn’t crawl, but he could drag himself forward.

Inch by laborious inch he was getting closer. He was also feeling lightheaded and breathing was definitely hard now- well, _harder_ … he passed out again.

…---…

The next time he came to Obi-Wan was shouting at him. Anakin wondered when Obi-Wan had gotten back.

Obi-Wan seemed relieved that Anakin had woken up. “Healers?” Anakin croaked, and Obi-Wan nodded.

“They’re on the way, I called them as soon as I found you.”

Anakin tried to nod, but that was hard because his face was still pressed against the ground.

“Don’t try to move,” Obi-Wan said, laying a gentle hand on his forehead, “They’re coming. And I’ll stay with you.”

“They just kept going,” he murmured, voice slurring. “They wouldn’t stop.”

He was confused at that. He understood punishment, but why would they hurt him so much that he couldn’t do his job?

Obi-Wan’s eyes darkened, and Anakin could feel his anger. “They shouldn’t have done that.” He said, “Don’t worry, we’ll deal with them. We’ll get you all patched up, then you can tell us everything that you remember.”

Anakin tried to smile, but his lips weren’t quite moving right. Obi-Wan wouldn’t let him close his eyes, wouldn’t let him go back to sleep. It was annoying, but he liked Obi-Wan so he stayed awake for him.

He stayed awake right until they checked him over, then lifted him into the stretcher. When they picked him up the pain seemed to multiply ten-fold, and it was a relief to let the darkness claim him.

…---…

Obi-Wan felt like a terrible person. It wasn’t his fault- he knew that. He hadn’t moved Anakin into the Initiate quarters, nor had he had any part in the beating Anakin had taken.

But they really should have gotten Anakin to the healers long before this point. They’d removed Shmi’s chip, and Obi-Wan had assumed that while he was in Naboo they had checked over Anakin as well. Apparently, they hadn’t.

He still had an active explosive inside of him. His back was covered in scars- lashes showing up as raised skin. The Initiates that’d beaten Anakin had done a number on him, a concussion, broken leg, several broken ribs, his whole right _hand_ had been smashed and the bruises… when Anakin woke up again and told them who had done it… They wouldn’t get away with it. Obi-Wan was almost excited.

For now though, Obi-Wan held onto Anakin’s left hand as machines beeped around him and someone contacted Shmi.


	9. Shmi is a boss (but also not completely mentally okay either)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take a guess. You might even get it right.

Shmi kept her comm on her at all times. It was her contact with Anakin. She didn’t want him to call her and be alone.

She wanted to be there for him. She wanted to not be afraid anymore.

She’d talked about it some with Lian. The Jedi hadn’t given her much money, but having money at all sometimes felt- odd. Like she wasn’t really sure what to do with it.

But she’d been able to afford talking to someone who could help her- get her mind back to where she wouldn’t fear her own son and would be able to take him back from the Jedi and take care of him.

She was used to waking early and waking fast, so when her comm started beeping she was already mostly aware.

It wasn’t Anakin on the other side though. It was Healer Tali. “Anakin’s hurt.” Tali said. “He’ll recover.” Shmi felt as though too much air had been sucked out of her then returned in too small an amount of time.

“What are his injuries?” Shmi asked.

She was already pulling on clothes, shoving shoes on her feet.

As Tali listed his injuries Shmi felt herself grow ill. Those weren’t the sort of things one got from tripping down stairs or lightsaber practice gone wrong.

That was a beating. Not as bad as it could have been, no. But not good.

“Why?” Shmi found herself asking, “What’d he do?”

Beatings had been commonplace on Tattoine. But generally a Master would try to make sure that their slaves were still functional afterwards. What sort of purpose could this possibly serve?

And besides that- they’d said Anakin wasn’t a slave. They’d said he was free- that they both were free. Had it been a lie? Had it all been a lie?

Slavery wasn’t legal in the Republic- but Shmi knew that what laws _said_ and what they _meant_ could be very different. 

Tali was looking at Shmi, frowning slightly. “It shouldn’t have happened,” Tali finally said, “Even if he’d broken every rule we have, we don’t believe in corporal punishment. Beatings are not an acceptable form of discipline. A group of initiates took it upon themselves to hurt them. Once Anakin wakes up and can identify his attackers they will be punished for the part they took in hurting him.”

Shmi felt something in her loosen at that. Tali was telling the truth- the air itself seemed to thrum with that knowledge.

People lied all the time. But the air- or the Force, as Anakin had taken to calling it- did not.

…---…

Obi-Wan woke with a jolt as Shmi walked in, and Anakin’s hand fell out of his.

“Shmi!” Obi-Wan said, glancing at the time. It was early still- how had she been able to get here so fast?

She nodded to him, then went straight to Anakin’s side, laying her hand against his forehead, brushing his hair out of the way with gentle fingers.

Obi-Wan watched her as she leaned forward, kissing Anakin on the cheek. “My boy,” she said softly, “I’m so sorry.”

Her eyes were blazing when she looked up again.

“Healer Tali said this wasn’t supposed to happen. How was it allowed to happen?”

Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I don’t really know.”

He’d gotten back to the temple late. When he made it back to his room he’d expected Anakin to be there- Anakin and the many grease stains that had accumulated on his floor and couch since Anakin had taken residence.

Instead- there was nothing. No blanket nest, no grease- it was like the boy had disappeared.

And Obi-Wan had been… concerned.

He’d started looking,

Anakin was practically a beacon in the force, and finding him hadn’t been difficult. At least, not physically difficult.

Obi-Wan had to wonder what Anakin was doing in such a remote part of the temple, why some of the Initiates were running away from that part of the temple, and then the boy’s force signature had seemed to- flicker.

Obi-Wan had started running then- sprinting as fast as he could.

He’d found Anakin, face down on the floor, unconscious, with his right hand crushed and blood running down his face from a gash above his eye.

Obi-Wan had called the healers and woke Anakin up.

Head wounds were not good. People who slept with head wounds sometimes never woke back up.

But Anakin had woken back up and the healers had let him sleep after that.

Obi-Wan explained how he’d found Anakin, what he’d seen. “I don’t know why they moved him out of my rooms,” he said, “He was safe there. Tali told me they’d moved him to the initiate quarters while I was gone- and apparently he hasn’t had a check up the whole time he was here… but as soon as he stabilizes a little more they’re going to be removing the slave chip. They should’ve been done long ago, but we’ll try to fix it now.”

Obi-Wan looked up to find Shmi studying him. There was something intent in her gaze.

Finally, she smiled at him. “It is good that Anakin has such a protector while he is here. I do not blame you for his injuries.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t help but feel like it was somehow his fault, but it made it better, all the same, to hear her tell him it wasn’t.

“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it.

…---…

Anakin woke again, and a very familiar hand traced its way over his cheek. “My little Ani,” Shmi whispered.

Anakin let himself lean into the warmth of that hand. “Mom,” he said.

She kissed him on the cheek, and he let himself fall back into oblivion.


	10. Something had to change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As requested, Satine comes in.  
> Also... planning happens. 
> 
> Part One of the Council meeting stuff

Anakin recovered.

His chip was removed. And Shmi stayed by his bedside.

Obi-Wan refused to leave the Temple until the matter was resolved to his satisfaction.

He didn’t know what to do. What he should do. He knew what he wanted to do- he wanted to find those who’d hurt Anakin so horribly- he wanted them punished.

But what was a fair punishment?

After all, if the Council hadn’t revealed Anakin’s past Sith training none of this would have happened. Obi-Wan had talked to Anakin’s teachers, to the Initiates he was living with, and found a wellspring of animosity directed at Anakin that concerned him. Most of it was because he had been a Sith. Because they believed he still was, and that those who had fallen to darkness could never return from it.

Could Anakin ever truly be safe in the Temple if everyone thought so horribly of him?

Anakin was supposed to stay here, for his own safety from the Sith Lord who was still at large, for the possibility that he might be able to identify the Sith, and to give him a chance at an education he would not otherwise have.

But with all the opposition from the other Jedi- opposition made on baseless assumptions- opposition against a child who’d had almost less than no choice in his training-

Would he ever be able to be a Jedi?

Obi-Wan needed to talk to someone. He had already talked to Shmi, but she was understandably biased towards her son. She was planning on taking him away, bringing Anakin home with her unless there could be a far greater assurance that her son would be safe.

Obi-Wan could not be there to protect Anakin all the time, and Obi-Wan knew no other Jedi who could or would take on the mantle of Anakin’s protector for his time in the Temple.

Obi-Wan knew who he wanted to talk to- and it was important…

…---…

Satine was not expecting Obi-Wan’s call, but she welcomed it all the same.

She had never seen Obi-Wan so conflicted. He was the type of person who devoted himself wholly to a thing, then never turned back or away from his decision.

This situation was hard for him because two things he’d committed himself to came into conflict.

The boy- and the Jedi.

“I see three things you can do,” Satine said, finally, “One, you can help Shmi take Anakin permanently. They can have no further contact with the Jedi Order, and also lose the protection of the Order. Two, you help make a deal between Shmi and the Order. Something where Anakin takes classes at the temple during the day, is only among the other initiates in the presence of teachers and goes home to her every night. Where he is watched closely to make sure he is not hurt again. Or, your last option- you could take him as your Padawan. That would give him a measure of protection on its own, it would also allow him to come on missions with you. He would be in your company a great deal of the time that way, they would find it much harder to hurt him.”

Obi-Wan listened. They talked. They planned.

And when the call ended, they were both smiling.

…---…

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan called, knocking on the frame of the open door into Anakin’s room, “Shmi.”

They both looked up, smiling at him with a warmth that even now shocked Obi-Wan. Why were they so happy to see him? He’d seen them smile at the others and it was never like this. What was special about him to warrant such a thing?

“Obi-Wan!” Anakin said, “Where’ve you been?”

“Planning,” Obi-Wan said, “On what we should do about your situation. Satine and I have come up with several plans that would be able to keep you safe.” _Probably._

Anakin was looking at him, head cocked slightly to the side. Obi-Wan could feel the confusion rolling off the boy, though he wasn’t sure why Anakin was confused.

Surely he knew that things like this weren’t supposed to happen, that he was supposed to be _protected_ , not beaten.

Then again, he’d been a slave and a Sith Lord’s apprentice. So maybe he didn’t know.

Shmi watched Obi-Wan for a long moment. “Let’s talk of your plans then,” she said, motioning him towards his chair.

He sat.

And the three of them made plans.

…---…

The three of them stood before the Jedi Council, and Anakin told the Council all he knew. Well, most of what he knew.

“All of the initiates you placed me with were part of it,” he said, “And a couple of others. I haven’t really paid attention to their names,” _They wouldn’t tell me their names, so I had to listen into their conversations to figure it out,_ “But I would recognize them if I saw them again.”

Anakin paid attention to people- he watched them. He listened. He did know their names, but he would rather point them out himself with the older Jedi watching. If the initiates knew he had support from the upper ranks of their order they would be less likely to attack him again. The Jedi really seemed to be into following authority figures.

It still surprised him that it hadn’t been a punishment. That these men had known nothing of what was going on. It was… nice to know that they hadn’t ordered his beating. That some among them were upset that he had been hurt at all. That- that his getting hurt wasn’t right. Or good. Or justified.

“I knew they didn’t like me, so I tried to stay out of their way by waking up earlier and going to bed later than them. But they’d been waiting up for me. They told me to follow them. I did until we got to a less populated part of the Temple.

“Thinking back on it, I don’t think they knew what they were going to do to me at that point. But I thought it was a punishment for going to see my mom, I thought you’d ordered it, and I wanted it to be over.

Anakin took a deep breath. He hated talking about stuff like this, but Obi-Wan said it was important, so he kept going. “Sometimes, when Master punished me, he’d want me to fight back. He liked overpowering me, liked being stronger than me. So I asked them if they wanted a fight. One of the older ones agreed and we started. Then I realized I was better than him, and I said that out loud. I think it embarrassed him. The whole group attacked me together then.

“I expected them to stop- punishments were meant to cause pain, they weren’t meant to keep a person from working the next day. But they just kept going. I passed out. I woke up and tried to make it to the Healing Halls, but I passed out again. When I woke up that time Obi-Wan was there. He made me stay awake and they brought me to the Healers- and that’s all.”

The council members nodded. Some of them looked particularly sad, Yoda among them. Windu had a slightly pinched expression on his face, as though he’d tasted something sour.

Anakin wondered what it was.

…---…

Windu felt… strange.

Jedi were not supposed to be angry or hateful or bitter, and yet they obviously were. They hated the Sith. And they weren’t supposed to.

How had they gone so far down that path without even realizing it?

The boy- Sith apprentice though he was- had been savagely beaten. He hadn’t fought back- not nearly as hard as he could have. The other initiates were practically unharmed.

The Jedi had been the aggressors, the Sith the victim.

How had they come to this?

It was wrong. It was not the way Jedi were supposed to be. And something had to change.


	11. I don't even know anymore

It was Mundi who broke the silence. “So, what are we to do?”

They’d sent Anakin, Obi-Wan and Shmi out of the room so they could discuss the punishment for the initiates who’d beaten Anakin. They’d call the three back in once they’d decided and then discuss how they were going to keep Anakin safe from this sort of thing happening again.

“Fair they were not,” Yoda said, “Fair we were not. Speak to the temple we must. Explain about Anakin we will. Fear him we must not.”

 _Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the darkside._ Windu had heard maxims like that over and over again.

Still, Jedi being afraid of Sith wasn’t something he’d considered. The inititates had been afraid of Anakin. When he went to their classes and was moved into their rooms they were angry with him, and when he did well they hated him for making them even more afraid.

Windu sighed and rubbed his forehead. He wondered sometimes why he’d taken a role on the council… then he realized that if he hadn’t he’d have an even bigger headache from not being able to change or affect all the things happening in the order that he disagreed with.

“I agree with Yoda,” Windu said, “We should not be so afraid of the Sith that we would abandon our morals and way of life to remove them.”

“But what are we going to do with the initiates?” Plo Koon asked. “They all need to apologize, but after that… what?”

Windu hesitated for a long moment.

“I think that an essay on the definition of justice along with scrubbing in the more abandoned parts of the temple for three or four weeks, one or two hours a day, along with punishment of an increased two weeks of scrubbing everytime they bully each other would work. Rude behaviors would include pushing or tripping each other, intentionally ignoring their questions, or trying to sabotage their work. All would increase the length of the punishment.”

It would cut down on the time the initiates had to find masters… but it was probably fair. They needed to think about their actions and the consequences of them… and this was one way to be sure they did just that.

…---…

It seemed to take forever for the council to come to a decision.

And then, when they were all called back in, it was time to discuss what they’d do with Anakin. Anakin made sure to keep breathing. It was important.

“I would like to take Anakin as my Padawan.” Obi-Wan said, reaching out and squeezing Anakin’s shoulder, “When my missions permit it, I will take him with me. When they do not he will go to classes with teachers present, then go to Shmi for the rest of the day. That way we can be sure he will be safe from the other initiates.”

“Anakin isn’t even an initiate! He can’t be a Padawan!” Windu said, then paused, and though his skin tone made it harder to tell Anakin could swear the man was blushing.

Plo Koon spoke next, slowly as if tasting his words. “It… would work though. He was obviously far safer staying in your quarters, even when you weren’t around…”

Not all of the Jedi were happy about it, but they did agree.

Which was good.

…---…

The initiates learned very quickly that the teachers were serious about the new rules. Any and all bullying, of anyone, was punished with two weeks of scrubbing the temple’s corridors by hand.

A few of the initiates approached Anakin and apologized for what’d happened to him.

And Anakin found himself a lot happier with friends who were closer to his own age.

…--…

Shmi had talked a lot to her therapist, and he had really helped her. She knew that her son had suffered just like she had, and she knew he needed help too.

And now that he was staying with her a good portion of the time, now that he would allow himself to be around her, she was determined that he would get it.

Anakin was nervous, she could tell, but he was also determined.

He faced the door, shoulders square, jaw clenched tight.

Shmi smiled and led him inside.

…---…

“So…” Anakin said.

He was sitting in a chair, kicking his legs in an alternating pattern as he tried to avoid looking at his therapist.

“What exactly am I supposed to do?” he asked.

His therapist. James or Jamie or something smiled at him. “Your mom says you’ve had some experiences that you need help working through. I’m here to help you. I listen to what you have to say, and then I tell you what you can do to feel better.”

That didn’t sound too bad.

“Alright,” Anakin said, slowly, “What do you want to know?”

“You can tell me whatever you want to,” James? No… it was Jamie. Maybe?

“Okay,” Anakin said. “But I have one more question.”

His therapist nodded encouragingly.

“What’s your name?”


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it's the end of this part...

Sidious closed his eyes, feeling the force flow through him.

He could feel his little chosen one in the Jedi temple. Sidious sighed. So much effort had gone into Maul and the boy and he got so little out of it.

Sidious made sure to breathe evenly; it would not do for rage to overtake him here.

Still- war was coming soon.

And Sidious would need to get the boy back-or kill him.

Sidious sighed again. He really wished his little queen had had the decency to just _die_.


End file.
